Salam and hi everyone,

Hows your week so far? Cant wait for the weekend because I think I finally can start filming tons of videos and start carry out planning for my insta/blog/youtube/facebook posts. There's a lot of platforms for someone that no one knows and her writing that no one really reads haha Well filming and photography bring me happiness so I need to keep to do it and do it hard to keep me sane. So thats what leads to these questions.

I feel like a crap, even worse than before, for the past couple weeks and as you guys know things haven't been the best for last year and a half. I feel so down and unmotivated. You must think I'm such a downer but things haven't change for the last 6 years, I still struggle emotionally. I still am trying to past this. I cant help myself to do anything. All I want to do is drink coffee, read books and watch movies non stop. I'm such a home buddy person and love to be on my own, but at the same time I love to do some outdoors activities and discover new stuff. Whats different this time is that, I have a long list to do on weekend and none was ticked. I was in fully avoiding mood to face my problems and live in dramas and movies. Then when its time to sleep, I'll start thinking and have trouble sleeping. That was my routine. So back to this post, I decided to just fuck it, worry less, do things that I want to do in a while and start living. 

These question is to help me to figure out what I will do for the rest of the year. Can you believe another 3 months and we will be 2019. What the hell? I feel like I achieve nothing and yet the time almost get to an end. 

Lets gets started onto the question:

Question 1 - What do I really want?

This question is deep. For me its an easy answer but the hardest to get. I want to be happy and contented. Thats it. Thats all. Happy is one thing I havent experience in awhile and contented is like never. Now I feel empty and no direction.

Question 2 - How do I want to feel?

Great and satisfy. I want to feel great with my skin, body and brain. I want to have clear skin, light body and knowledge in my brain. And, what I mean by satisfy is to be grateful with what I have, live in the moment and feeling enough. As a daughter, friend, employee and so on there only so much I can do as a person and if they demand more than I can provide I have the courage to let go and accept that whats enough is enough its time to go and worry less about the future.

Question 3 - What am I willing to do differently?

There are lots of things that I want to do and so far these are what I've started doing;
- Stop worrying, sleep better and wake up early
- Drinks apple cider vinegar with water 3 times a day (for my super dry skin)
- Start learning language (Spanish)
- Have weekly goals (Mostly on budget and exercise)
- Walk (To achieve 310 calories on my watch :P)
- Go to work early (before 9am)

Few other things I want to start as a habit are; morning journaling, reading self help books, wake up even earlier, cooking weekly, join exercise class, painting, blogging, taking study classes, doing side hustle online and exploring the cities.

Question 4 - Are my relationship mutually benefitial?

Mostly yes. I have few before where the other party being selfish and always have a reason to ditch me either it be meet up, phone calls and texts. But now, I'm totally not giving more what I get. If he/she to busy to reach me, I will do the same. 
And, I'm not going to allow people to bully me. No. You dont mess with me. Just because I'm introvert doesnt mean you can just step on my head.

Question 5 - How am I using my gifts to contribute to the world?

I have yet to discover my gift but I know I just want to share my experience with people out there somewhere just to let them know there are not alone. I felt that way too. Shit almost most of the time. Just saying..

Question 6 - What am I grateful for?

My family. Friends (Mostly gone but few still here, thank you). Place to sleep. Food to eat. Money to spend. Job to work. Specially healthy body to live in. Not the best mind set and body shape, still working on it haha

Question 7 - How do I show kindness to myself?

Stop worrying and care less about the unknown future. I dont know where I will be next year, let alone another 5 years ahead. So, I just going with the flow. God can decide for me where should I go and sail to. Most importantly to remind myself, I'm deserving and I'm enough.

Question 8 - What did I attempt in the past that was easier/harder that I expected it to be?

Living in HK now. I've been here last year for couple months and convinced that this can be my next destination. But, now that I'm here I cant wait to leave. The feeling is totally different. I feel lonely. I'm mostly alone and I, someone who enjoy my own company. But for some reason, I feel so lonely. I do the things I did last year and even more but something was off, other than that feeling, I cant really pin point what actually wrong with me. 

Question 9 - What I need to do more/less of moving forward?

Honestly, I dont know. The only thing I can focus on is myself. I will study more and do more things that I love. I want to meet more people but I HATE socializing. Just thinking of going to parties or events without knowing anyone and not drinking is hard when I'm naturally very quite person. So that, has to put on hold until I dont know. Someone force me to go out maybe? But I dont have anyone so I guess until forever haha

Question 10 - If I had to pick one goal to achieve this year, what would it be?

Social Media. So irony, I hate socializing but yet I want to build my social media interactions haha I want to have my own community. I want to have friends that I can talk about what we mutually love (makeup, blogging, travelling, food) and exchange ideas as well as opinions about life, to feel that I'm part of something. So, I have another 3 months to go. After that if its still failing, maybe I should consider to give this up. Accepting the reality that I'm just nobody and nobody out there wants to join me.

Took me few hours to write this post. I guess now whats left is to take an action! I hope by starting doing it already make me halfway there. And, most importantly is that I feel better about myself. Tag me along if any of you done this. I took this question from pinterest, here.

Hope you enjoying this. See you on my next post.

Love,
coffeecupcloset